im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
