why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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