I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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