he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
