I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
