I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
