is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
