I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
