Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
