Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
