my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
