Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think my tv is drunk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
