omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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