Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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