i think my tv is drunk
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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