Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
