I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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