I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
