watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
