I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
