i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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