I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
