I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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