Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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