Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
