remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
