Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
