and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
