How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
