A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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