i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
