You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
