so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
and she was petting her beer can
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
