I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
