So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
