I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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