OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
