I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
