This dress was meant to end up on your floor
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
