She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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