You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you traded sex for a burrito?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
