Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
