1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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