I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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