You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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