Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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