How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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