Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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