In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
