i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The adults are the big ones right?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
