Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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