i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
