dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
