Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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